Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
