i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
