i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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