he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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