I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
