They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You've changed since you got that strap on
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
