he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
