Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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