Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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