When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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