It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Never underestimate the power of titties
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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