I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
