worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Mom said you looked used
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
