Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
