the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
