I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize