Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
