i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
