The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
