last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
