Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
