I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
