I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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