Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
