oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
