I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
