apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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