and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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