so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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