# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
