I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
