I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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