i wish there were pregnant emoticons
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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