my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
