Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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