Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
