I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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