my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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