It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
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i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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