Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Can Purell be used as lube?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize