One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
