Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
