I think i peed on brittanys purse
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
