if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
