Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
