I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Two words: blizzard sex
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
