He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
