i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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