If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
