thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
