I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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