So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
