Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Send help, water and tortillas.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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