man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think a kid would responsible me up
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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