I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
