Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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