he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
