why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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