I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
